Carter Luke Vermilyea - Part 8

There were many joys those few days in the hospital.
I was reminded of what a wonderful husband and father Ryan is. I know it was a wonderful and tough day for him. I remember thinking how exciting yet difficult it must have been for him to call our families and close friends and let them know that Carter was born, but also explain to them that he was born without his left hand and lower part of his arm. It also made me so happy to see him thrilled to go meet Caroline at the nursery to introduce her to her brother! When we talked about all the what-ifs in regards to Carter, Ryan was also quick to remind me that we had to take one day at a time. He shared his emotions, and was just an awesome guy to be with! I loved watching him with Carter.

On the day of Carter’s birth, one of the many times that I just was sitting and holding him, I was looking at his arm. I was thinking about how I had pretty much neglected to touch his arm or hold it. I had held his other hand and felt his fingers over and over, just like every new mother does. But, I realized in that moment that I had not really touched his other arm at all. I think I was nervous, or something…I don’t really know how to describe it. As I sat there and stared at Carter, he moved his left arm (the one without a hand) over and hooked my fingers in his elbow and held it tightly! It got my attention so fast. He was holding my hand. It was like he was saying to me, “It’s okay, mommy. I’m okay. Just hold my arm.” I just wept. In that moment I knew that God was using the experience to let me know that it was all ok. I had been thinking about how I would never be able to hold that hand, and instead, Carter showed me that I could – because he held mine.

These are just a few of the joys from those first days.