Carter Luke Vermilyea - Part 7

Due to the flu being so prevalent that time of year, the hospital had a strict visitors policy. Ryan and our parents were the only ones allowed in the room. Before the birth, I remember feeling so disappointed that Caroline couldn’t meet Carter right away, and that we couldn’t have other visitors those days we were in the hospital. But, by the end of our hospital stay we knew that God had even a purpose in this, too.

You see, those days were so important for us as a couple and a family. We were in shock, to say the least, for awhile. We also needed time for Ryan and me to process all that we were thinking and feeling. We had so many questions…some for God, some for each other, some for nobody in particular. How did this happen? What did I do wrong while I was pregnant? Is it my fault? I knew they said it was nothing I did…but still, what if they were wrong? Is Carter going to be sad? Is he going to be okay? What will Caroline say? People are going to make fun of him, aren’t they? How will he crawl? How will I teach him to tie his shoes? How will Ryan play ball with him in the yard? Is it going to be okay? Why? These are only a handful of what all we talked about. Questions we asked ourselves. I won’t lie and say it wasn’t a tough couple of days. Yes, we were overjoyed with our son. Our son…a precious gift from the Lord. We were just unsure of so much and trying to pray our way through it all. We were really leaning on the Lord. This was/is the hardest thing I have ever gone through.

As I was saying before, if we had been allowed to have visitors, there would have been friends and church members showing up at the hospital right away that morning…not realizing the situation they were coming into to. I would have felt bad for them, because I know it would have been difficult for them too…they had walked through the pregnancy and all the ultrasounds with us…praying along the way too. And I know they would have felt uncomfortable because of all we were dealing with as a family.

Also, Ryan and I needed those days to have privacy…a time to talk together and begin this journey together. We spent the nights (and days) thinking, talking, crying, and praying through everything. We needed to talk about all that had changed in just a few short minutes…or at least what had changed to our knowledge. It was always part of God’s plan for us. We needed to leave the hospital together…in more ways than just physically, but also spiritually and emotionally. And we needed to just love on our little boy.

I also cherish the days I got to sit in the hospital room with my mom or dad or both of them, and talk about Carter and what God had planned for him. To just sit quietly, or cry with them. Whatever emotion came at whatever time.

So, as I said before, God had a plan in even the little things. If we could have had visitors, it wouldn’t have been a quiet time away for us…a time to do all that I mentioned above. This time was so special for us.

I am also so grateful that my parents were there for Caroline. They took care of her, brought her up to see Carter, had lots of fun with her. That allowed us not to worry about that aspect of life at that time. We knew she was taken care of. And instead of Ryan trying to coordinate her whereabouts, he could be with me and love on sweet little Carter.

We also had the opportunity to have conversations with my siblings and their spouses during those days in the hospital that were very special and meaningful, as did Ryan with his family. They were nothing but encouraging…and it was so good to know that they loved our son so much.

I can also remember walking out to meet Caroline at the nursery so she could see Carter. She was such a big girl now. She had only seen Carter in the nursery window, so I wondered what she would say about his arm when we brought him home.

I appreciated friends' emails and phone calls. I can still remember one dear friend calling not longer after he was born and saying, “Kim, I just wanted to call and say I love you.” And that Ryan and I were going to be awesome parents for Carter. Then, she cried on the phone with me. How meaningful this was for me.

Those days were so important.