Monday, March 29, 2010

Carter Luke Vermilyea - Part 5

Ryan headed off to the nursery to be with Carter while I was stitched up. I sat there trying to figure out how this was all mistaken on the ultrasounds. I realized the first technician had her lefts and rights wrong the whole time. Before I was taken to recovery the doctor talked with me for a moment. I cried through all he had to say. He just apologized for all the mix ups on the ultrasounds, but assured me that Carter seemed healthy in all other ways. He said he would be just fine, that he was a beautiful baby.

My mom had come into town the night before and was at home with Caroline. Ryan had called her after Carter was born so she and Caroline could come up to see him. I was taken to the recovery room and minutes later my mom showed up. They brought Carter in right away also. I can still remember holding him, all wrapped up in the blanket, and just crying with my mom. I don’t know how to explain what I was feeling, really. I feel bad to say I was crying, but it wasn’t a sad cry necessarily. It was a cry of joyfulness at this birth, yet also being scared of what was ahead, and partly sad, wondering why he would have to deal with this. My mind was racing…will he be okay? How will he do things with one hand? Is this real?

I can vividly remember pulling Carter’s blanket back to look at his arm. It was so hard. My mom cried with me. I was so worried for him and scared. Why did this have to happen to him? His arm stopped about a third of the way between his elbow and where the wrist would be. This is when I noticed that he also had a few really tiny fingers on his arm. That worried me too…why did he have to have those fingers there? Wouldn’t that give something else someone could make fun of him for? I felt bad for him. My heart ached. But overall, I felt such a strong love for him.

(I'd love to know if you are reading this and God is using it in some way!)

1 comment:

  1. Hi Kim,
    Yes I am reading and I thank you for being so transparent with your feelings and emotions during this. It is evident that even in the suffering and questions that you were leaning on Jesus to strengthen you. I look forward to the updates and seeing how God is working this into good not only for Carter but for all those you have and will continue to come into contact with. Such a testimony in your actions and reactions! Blessings, Kim