Carter Luke Vermilyea -Part 15

Thanksgiving was just a few short days after Carter was born. What a wonderful thing to be thankful for! We had a great celebration with my parents and enjoyed the day. When we all sat down to eat, Carter was napping. As soon as I took my first bite of food, he woke up and was ready to eat! Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to happen? It was quite funny.
The next day my brother, Jeff, his wife Christy, and their three kids (Caleb, Claire and Connor) drove up from Florida for a visit. They wanted to meet Carter and just love on us. It was quite special to me (and Ryan) and it meant so much that they could make it up to see us during this time. I can still remember watching Christy hold Carter. I didn’t know how to “start” the conversation about his arm. I knew we would talk about it, but how? I remember just asking her, “Do you want to see his arm?” I pulled back the blanket and we talked about it for a few minutes. It was quite an emotional time for me. But at the same time, it was good to open up the conversation and let people know I could talk about it.

Christy, Jeff, and the kids all seemed to enjoy meeting Carter and loving on him! Caleb especially loved holding him. Carter would sit with him for long periods of time, and Caleb would hold him as long as he possibly could. I loved having the kids around. In conversations with Jeff and Christy, and my other brother Andy and Lauren, I still remember asking them how their kids reacted. Each of my sister-in-laws sat their kids down and explained to them that Carter was born and how exciting that was. They also explained to them that he was missing his hand and part of his arm, and that God made him that way. That he was okay, just born with one hand instead of two. It meant so much to me and always makes me emotional to think about how the kids responded. It wasn’t a big deal for them. They might have asked questions, but they just were excited to have a nephew! Praise God for the eyes of a child. We specifically asked my brothers to let their kids ask us whatever they wanted, and not to tell them not to say anything. We wanted to hear what they had to say.

I had said several times over that first week at home that I just felt like I really just needed to cry. That everytime I started to cry that I would just stop myself. I just needed to let it out. One night, while sitting and talking with my family, someone asked us, “How are you doing Kim? Ryan?” Well, we started to share, and I just lost it. I remember sharing how worried I was for Carter, how I hoped it wasn’t my fault, that I don’t understand why he would have this happen to him, and I just cried. I remember I couldn’t even control myself. Ryan just held me and I think we all cried. It was a good time for me. And Ryan too. And the family. Looking back, although I don’t think it was really said much outloud, I think my family was worried that I would deal some with postpartum depression if I wasn’t encouraged and focused on the right things. Even my brother Andy and his family that couldn’t be there, they called and checked on me too and showed their love for us. I love them all, and it meant so much to have them all on my side, rooting for me. Ryan’s family and all our grandparents also shared their love for us and Carter during this time. I can never thank them enough for loving me, loving Ryan, loving Caroline, and loving our precious new son, Carter.